


The way the moon pulls the tide

by orphan_account



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-30
Updated: 2011-04-30
Packaged: 2017-10-18 19:46:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/192571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blaine’s afraid to let Kurt go. Born This Way from Blaine’s perspective. Originally posted 4/30/2011</p>
            </blockquote>





	The way the moon pulls the tide

**Author's Note:**

> We didn’t get a lot from Blaine this episode, so I had to do a lot of reading between the lines. Beta’d by Ro, championed by Tumblr.

“You’re mad at me.” Blaine picks at the stitching on his blazer nervously, like he hasn’t done in years. He has an old blazer from his Freshman year with half of the piping falling off and a bedraggled cuff. Being part of the Warblers and caring more about how he looked helped stop the habit, but Blaine’s found himself fall into his old habits with Kurt in his life.

“Don’t do that, you’ll ruin your jacket.” Kurt pulls his hand away from the worried fabric and holds it over the center console. Blaine takes a moment to marvel at how Kurt doesn’t even need to look at him to find his hand, to sense him out like Blaine is an extra limb. “And I’m not mad. Frustrated? Definitely, but I’m not mad.”

Blaine wonders why he even opened his mouth in the first place. He knows Kurt’s friends don’t know the details, why Blaine is so scared for Kurt even thinking about it. Maybe Blaine's pushed his opinion on the subject too much, because Kurt knows McKinley isn’t safe and he knows it wouldn’t be the right decision no matter how badly he wanted back, but Blaine's always felt the need to remind him. It was the far-off look he got sometimes, the way he stares out of the window during study hall and how alive he seems whenever they talk about any of the students from New Directions. Reminding Kurt of everything Dalton offered seemed like the only way to tie him down.

If Blaine is the tether, then Kurt is a bright red balloon being blown by the McKinley wind. One day, no matter how hard he holds onto Kurt, the wind is going to pick up and he’s going to fly away. Blaine is terrified that that day is going to be sooner than he wants.

“I’m sorry,” Blaine mutters. Kurt squeezes his hand but doesn’t otherwise reply until they pull up to Blaine’s house.

They sit in the car for a long stretch before Kurt turns to him and says, “I want to go back, but wanting and doing are two different things, Blaine. I _know_ I can’t go back yet. Even if Karofsky received a personality transplant, there are other bullies lurking in the shadows who wouldn’t mind beating up the gay kid. I just wish I could have the same experiences my friends are having.”

“New York is overrated anyway,” Blaine says before leaning over and giving Kurt a gentle kiss. “It’s also half a day by bus and I have a cousin who lives in Greenwich.”

Kurt laughs and pats Blaine’s face with an open palm. “I highly doubt my father would let me go to the big city alone with my extremely virile boyfriend who told him that he watched gay porn to learn about sex.”

“You’re never going to let me live that down, are you?”

“Never.”

Mike and Tina don’t stick around long, which Blaine can’t blame them for. Tina’s parents are gone for the long weekend and, though he’s usually the epitome of patience, Mike had been staring hungrily at Tina as she and Kurt gossiped.

Kurt steals a glance at Blaine and they laugh. Blaine’s about to suggest that they leave early and maybe go back to Blaine’s house for some quality time of their own but then a shadow descends over them.

“Sup Hummel, Hobbit,” Puck says as he drops into the chair Tina vacated. Over his shoulder, Blaine can see Puck’s girlfriend working diligently through several manila envelopes and office files. He removes the top from his drink and says, “I got a favor to ask.”

Puck takes a long drink of what looks like the sweetest drink on the Lima Bean menu topped with a large amount of whipped cream. Blaine feels like he knows Puck’s life story, or at least what has happened in the past year and a half. He’s been both the bane of Kurt’s existence and a comrade in arms, a bully and a friend. Seeing him across from Kurt at their usual table, trying to lick whipped cream off his nose, is absolutely surreal.

“As entertaining as this is, I do have things to do, Puck,” Kurt says. Blaine looks at his boyfriend’s profile, his raised chin and pursed lips. His posture his guarded and Blaine can only imagine that there are a thousand scathing remarks on the tip of his tongue, ready in case Puck verbally attacks him.

Puck glances at Blaine and then back to Kurt, eyes leering and eyebrows raised suggestively. “I _bet_ you do, Hummel.”

Kurt doesn’t flush at the insinuation, just sighs heavily and snaps, “What do you want?”

Puck’s face falls and he looks at the table. “It’s Rachel. She’s getting a nose job next week and no one can talk her out of it.”

The silence between then stretches for what seems forever and Blaine watches as Kurt’s entire demeanor melts. He slumps forward and worry lines crease his forehead.

“She’s always been proud of her nose,” he whispers just loud enough to be heard over the din of the other customers. “This isn’t the Rachel I know.”

“That’s why I need your help, dude,” Puck says. “She got Quinn’s nose photoshopped onto her face and it’s all she’ll look at. She says she’s getting it for her singing voice, but that’s a load of bullshit if you ask me.”

“How can I help?”

Puck launches into a few ideas, some of them barely legal and others decidedly _not_ , and Kurt shoots them down systematically. Kurt pulls out a notebook and jots down some notes and slides his chair so that Puck can read them. They start talking songs and practice space and Blaine feels like an intruder on their conversation. Kurt’s in his element and Blaine can feel his grip on Kurt slip more and more.

The Lima Jewish Community Center isn’t so much a center as it is the basement of the local synagogue. Still, there’s decent lighting and plenty of space for Kurt, Brittany, and Mike to choreograph the flash mob. Kurt put a call out on a few fashion forums for eager and willing dancers and Puck’s mom started the synagogue’s phone tree, looking for anyone who would be interested in convincing their Jewish-American princess to embrace her inner Barbra.

There’s a decent mix of middle-aged men and women trying to reclaim their youth with Kurt’s choreography, as well as sprightly adolescents hyped up on caffeine and too little sleep. Instead of keeping to themselves, everyone mingles as Mike and Puck tack up a hastily drawn map of the mall and the girls set up refreshments in the corner. The ebb and flow of conversation swirls around Kurt as he goes from one group to another with instruction leaflets and burnt copies of Duck Sauce’s Barbra Streisand.

“Okay, people, we have a lot of work ahead of us. The steps are simple enough, but don’t worry about getting them perfect,” Kurt says once he has the entire rooms attention. “The key here is spontaneity.”

Blaine’s feet swing as he watches from his place on a card table. He quickly gets everyone into groups and into pairs, and Brittany and Mike walk the mob through each part of the dance slowly. He wishes he could join, but he won’t even be there when they’re supposed to pull it off. No, Blaine’s better off as moral support and while a flash mob isn’t Blaine’s idea of a great way to spend time with Kurt, it’s still fun to watch his boyfriend dance.

That’s when Blaine realizes that he’s never really seen Kurt dance, not full-bodied and wild spirited as he is during the fourth run through of the song. Not one muscle is still as the music surges around them and Blaine can’t tear his eyes away. Kurt certainly helped the Warblers loosen up their rigid step-touch-spin routines of the past, but even Raise Your Glass was nowhere near the feats that Blaine knows New Directions is capable of.

Kurt is a fantastic dancer.

He dances with an energy and fluidity that makes Blaine jealous. He’s all long limbs and perfectly centered balance, as if puberty and strange growth spurts didn’t affect him the way that they affected Finn. His movements are so carefree that Blaine can’t help but to join him.

Losing to New Directions at Regionals does have its upsides, Blaine decides. For one, it means he can concentrate on his homework better. Dalton has a heavy course load and Blaine has to keep his grades high for when he starts looking at colleges. It's a huge weight off his back to only worry about singing oldies at Nursing Homes and Top 40s pop at the local children’s hospital.

There’s also the fact that he gets to spend more time with Kurt. Not that they don’t already spend nearly every possible moment together, but now that they have a deeper emotional connection, everything takes on a deeper meaning. Things that he never noticed before, Blaine notices; things that they never talked about before, they talk about. It’s an exhilarating rush every time Blaine learns something new about Kurt and he tries to soak up all of those moments the best that he can.

Since it is New Directions going to Nationals, it’s New Directions that has late practices. Mrs. Hummel works the late afternoon shift at the nursing home and Mr. Hummel likes to stay late to close up the garage, so it’s often just Blaine and Kurt and a mountain of homework between them. The house is quiet except for the scratching of pens and turning pages and Blaine can gaze at Kurt as much as he wants, as long as he wants.

Of course, they don’t always get to their homework until after Mr. Hummel comes home. Sometimes there are more important matters to attend to, like making out on Kurt’s couch, which is becoming Blaine’s favorite pastime. They don’t get to do it much because they’re still new at it and Kurt’s kind of fussy about letting himself just _have_ what he wants and Blaine’s honestly afraid of scaring Kurt off.

Today seems to be different, though, because Kurt is doing the leading and they’re actually _horizontal_ for once. It isn’t anything lewd – they aren’t rubbing up against each other or anything -- but they’re both getting hot and Blaine’s head is buzzing as Kurt cradles his neck gently. Kurt’s shirt came untucked hours ago and Blaine plays with the tail as he bolsters the courage to dare sliding his hand up Kurt’s back.

Kurt sucks on his lip before pulling back, pupils blown so wide that his eyes are nearly black. They just stare at each other, panting in each other’s space, before Kurt surges forward and presses his lips against the crook of Blaine’s neck. Blaine groans.

“ _Kurt_ ,” he hisses once Kurt starts sucking.

Blaine’s hands move of their own accord, slipping up underneath Kurt’s uniform shirt and grasping the soft skin of his waist. His control is slipping, he can feel his will power to _not_ rut up against Kurt’s leg washing away in a torrent of pleasure and lust. Three weeks is long enough to wait before you dry hump your boyfriend, right? Even Wes never lasted three weeks before going further with his girlfriend and Wes was the most proper and gentlemanly of all of the Warblers.

There’s no way Kurt _can’t_ feel him anyway. Their legs are so tangled together, with Kurt’s thigh pinned tight between Blaine’s legs, that it’s only by Kurt’s careful, hovering pose that Blaine hasn’t felt him yet. If Kurt’s current need to suck a bright red hickey into Blaine’s skin is an indication, though, then bets are that they’re _both_ standing precariously on the thin line between _making out_ and _having sex with their clothes on_.

Of course Blaine needn’t worry about making out or sex or any of those things he’d _rather_ be doing because the front door suddenly _slams_ open with the force of a mack truck. Kurt pulls his lips off of Blaine’s skin and the lewd, wet smack seems to echo in Blaine’s head. Kurt scrabbles off of Blaine as fast as he can because even if it isn’t Mr. Hummel who’s coming through the door, being caught making out with your boyfriend is still awkward.

Whoever came home early runs up the stairs sounding a lot like a herd of elephants. “Kurt? You home?” Of course, Blaine thinks after recognizing that voice anywhere, their cockblock _would_ be Finn. There’s a no more effective cockblock than a stepbrother who doesn’t know the word privacy.

“In the living room,” Kurt shouts back as he tosses Blaine his Dalton sweater. When Blaine looks at him in confusion, Kurt simply says, “Lap,” and expertly runs his fingers through his hair, styling it so that it looks more rolled out of bed chic rather than I just spent the last hour with my tongue down my boyfriend’s throat. Blaine covers himself inconspicuously with his History text book.

Moments later, Finn barrels into the living room looking slightly enraged. Blaine’s almost terrified because even though Kurt assures him that Finn wouldn’t hurt a fly, he’s still kind of a big guy. Even Kurt tenses at the sudden dramatic shift in Finn’s normal demeanor.

When Finn eyes a chair menacingly, balance shifted as though he’s considering kicking it, Kurt jumps to his feet and pulls it away before Finn can move a muscle. “Don’t take it out on the chair, Finn. Now what’s going on that has you so pissed?”

“Santana’s dating Karofsky!”

Finn allows Kurt to lead him into the dining room. Blaine sits on the couch, not sure if he ought to be there for what is clearly a family matter. Finn speaks in a hushed voice, but his voice still travels enough for Blaine to hear bits and pieces. “Karofsky came into glee today.”

Blaine knows that eavesdropping is bad, but if it has to do with Kurt and Karofsky, then he _has_ to know, he has to make sure Kurt is safe. He turns his head slightly, trying to pick up more conversation but nothing he hears makes sense. Finn’s telling him something about Santana and whips and maybe Blaine _isn’t_ so interested in the conversation after all.

Then Kurt speaks, plain as day, voice as bright as a wedding bell. “Does this mean I can go back?”

“Yeah, dude, I think it does.” Finn’s voice is just as happy and Blaine can feel his entire world slip out from under his feet.

For the first time since that horrible party at Rachel’s where Blaine had to sleep off a hangover in Kurt’s room, Burt lets them shut the door. He still warns them that he’s on the other side so _no funny business_ , whatever he means by that. Blaine respects Mr. Hummel enough to keep several inches distance between him and Kurt. He’s not so sure he could handle being so close to Kurt as he tells Blaine that he’s transferring.

“The transfer will go into effect tomorrow once I drop off my Dalton transcript,” Kurt says. Even though his face remains neutral, Blaine can hear the excitement in his voice. “I even have a song picked out for my return. _As If We Never Said Goodbye_.”

 _Goodbye_. There’s the word that Blaine fears the most. The finality of it is like a nail in a coffin. Even if this transfer doesn’t mean the end of them now, the distance might be too much. He knows it’s irrational to think of where it all can go wrong _now_ but Blaine has never been quite rational where Kurt’s concerned.

He _was_ supportive once, back when it was all a pipe dream for Kurt. When he first transferred to Dalton, Kurt told Blaine of his daydreams where Karofsky was expelled or transferred or run over a bus and it was safe for Kurt to return. Seeing Kurt struggle with fitting in, Blaine agreed. For a free spirit like Kurt, Dalton could quickly turn toxic.

Then one month turned into two turned into three and Kurt stopped daydreaming. They revisited the conversation when Karofsky briefly joined glee club but otherwise avoided it for several months. Kurt didn’t just seem to settle into Dalton, Dalton seemed to settle into _Kurt_. Things that were so rigid and archaic were given to bend under Kurt’s scrutiny.

The Warbler’s council needed someone like Kurt to question them. How else were the Warblers supposed to evolve in a modern world? Kurt also gave the junior members hope and courage. He let them know that they had a voice and that they should use it.

Blaine isn’t sure how the Warblers will get on without Kurt.

Blaine isn’t sure how _he_ get on without Kurt. He likes his routine. He gets the same lunch every day just because he hates change. Bringing Kurt into his world, allowing him to be such a major part of his routine and giving it focus - that was a big risk to Blaine. Now Kurt's leaving and Blaine’s left feeling disoriented. Will Kurt be there at the Lima Bean every day at three thirty? Will he still help Blaine with his history notes even though they’re no longer in the same class? Will they even have anything to talk about?

 _What if Kurt's too busy with his friends at McKinley to see him again?_

The bed shifts and dips as Kurt moves towards Blaine, reaches, and pulls him close. He doesn’t realize that he’s crying until Kurt’s wiping the tears away. Blaine clutches him tight, losing himself in Kurt’s embrace. If he closes his eyes, he can almost pretend that this isn’t the end.

“Don’t leave me,” Blaine says. “ _Please_.”

Kurt laughs lightly and the sound breaks his heart. “Blaine, it’s not like I’m never going to see you again. We were friends before I went to Dalton.”

Blaine pulls out of Kurt’s grasp because he just doesn’t _get it_. “It was different back in November. You needed me and I was more than happy to do whatever you needed me to do.”

“So what? You want me to be some dependent little boy toy? Your damsel in distress for whenever you need an ego boost?” Kurt’s eyes are hurt, angry, and Blaine should have known that Kurt would jump to conclusions as soon as he opened his mouth.

“That’s not it. It’s just-“ Blaine hesitates and scrubs at his face with his hands. “I felt like I had a place in your life back then and at Dalton, too, but now it feels like you don’t need me because you have a dozen people who get you so much better than I do. And yeah, I want to be the kind of boyfriend who gets to save you from all of the monsters in the world, but now those monsters are gone and I feel _useless_.”

Kurt sighs in frustration. “You’re being stupid about this. Blaine, you are _irreplaceable_.”

“Really? Because right now it feels exactly like I am. Aren’t I enough? At least for the rest of the semester, aren’t I enough to make you happy?” Blaine drops to his knees and grabs Kurt’s hands, holding them tightly. “Please, I need you, Kurt.”

As Blaine speaks, Kurt’s face flickers through a thousand emotions, ranging from annoyed to affectionate. “Blaine, you are more than enough. If I didn’t have you, I’d be sad and lonely and alone. You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me and transfer or no transfer that will _never_ change.”

Kurt leans down and presses a heated kiss to Blaine’s lips. It doesn’t feel like a goodbye kiss; it feels like an affirmation for everything that Kurt has said. It’s a promise. When the kiss ends, Kurt rests his forehead against Blaine’s and they just breathe and soak up each other’s presence for a moment.

“Come here,” Kurt says, and pulls Blaine up onto the bed once again. He kicks off his shoes and lays down, leaving room for Blaine to curl into his side. They lay together and Kurt’s fingers pass soothingly over Blaine’s face as he speaks. “Going back to McKinley – it has nothing to do with you or the Warblers or any part of Dalton. Dalton was an _amazing_ experience, but I’m needed at McKinley.”

“You’re needed at Dalton, too,” Blaine whispers.

“I think Nick and Jeff can get by without copying my homework.” Kurt smirks for a moment, but then his face schools into something softer. “I could make a real difference for all of the gay boys afraid to come out. We’re starting a chapter of PFLAG and I’m joining the Bully Whips.”

Blaine pouts. “What about me?”

“Blaine, this _isn’t_ goodbye. We’ll still see each other all the time. McKinley is still notoriously lenient on their in class texting policies. This doesn’t change us _at all_ , I swear.”

Taking a deep breath and telling himself to trust Kurt, he nuzzles closer and takes advantage of Mr. Hummel’s allowance for momentary privacy. He says, “Okay,” and resolves to call an emergency Warbler meeting.

Well, he’ll call them after he gets in some quality cuddle time.

Blaine feels good and happy, which he didn’t think would be possible after how terrible he felt the previous day. Kurt’s back at McKinley and Wes is driving them all back to Dalton where they belong. Seeing Kurt bloom under the attention of his friends was amazing, and serenading him in the middle of the courtyard was even better.

He briefly wonders what those who sat around them thought as they were pretending not to hear or see the performance. Kurt’s always been treated as the social pariah for his sense of fashion and sexuality and choice of clique, but here was one boy who desired him, and a dozen more who valued his friendship. At the very least, it will help them remember that for Blaine, Kurt is the center of his _universe_.

That universe will seem strangely empty when he gets back to school for fourth period. Without Kurt there, Blaine will have to take notes and pay attention instead of text Kurt next to him or play hangman to pass the time. He’ll have to suffer through Warblers practice alone and there will be no one to sing sappy love ballads with when they play at the local nursing home.

Still, this could be a good thing. They’ll have more to talk about and they’ll appreciate the time they have together more than before. If the transfer doesn’t tear them apart - and after Kurt telling him he’d never say goodbye, Blaine is certain that it won’t - then it will only bring them closer together.

When the Warblers pull into the Dalton parking lot, Blaine’s phone buzzes with a new text message from Kurt. He laughs but doesn’t explain when Trent asks what’s so funny. There on the screen is the one word the started it all:

 _Courage_


End file.
